The Point...

If I had to name what "the point" of life is for me right now it would be the following:
Hanging out with people I love
Being outside as much as possible
Doing things I enjoying
Relaxing and taking in the scenery
Seeing new places
Trying new things
Eating great food
Trying to make great things
Helping others

Right now I am just concerned with doing all of these things and making enough money to do these things!
I am sure I will change my mind in a few days, months, years... but for now I am good!

Over it

I think I am finally "over it."
"It" being a ton of crap that has been stressing me out and that I have been focusing energy on fixing!
Most of it has to do with my relationships. People aren't going to be the same type of friend that I am. Maybe that's good and maybe that's bad. I am not deciding anymore.
I can't be let down if I have no expectations... and I mean that in a good way!

For the rest of the summer all I want to do is:
Relax
Try to spend more time with my husband!
Go to the cabin as much as possible
Spend time in the sun
SWIM!
Walk my dog
Go out for dinner and drinks with fun friends

Oh today...

Hopeless. It is a point that I hate to get to but it happens. When you keep hoping and wishing for things to go your way and then you realize that the situation or the person is not going to change.

(I can’t be more specific because I have been told that some sort of Big Brother figure can somehow read all of my emails, websites, and facebook… awesome. This is literally the paranoia that had been created. I guess I need to get a paper journal and I can call it good!)

Today I feel hopeless and like I can’t create the change that I thought I could. I want to change certain things and relationships in my life. I can’t seem to find the right words or actions to do that. I need more patience to just keep dealing with the things I can’t change.

I felt like when I was in school anything was possible- change was constantly happening and I was helping to shape my future and the world. Today I feel like I am just being pulled downstream, like I can’t get out of this flow, and I have lost control.

I hate being such a downer but right now I am overwhelmed and frustrated. And I am honestly not even sure what to be hoping for or working towards at this point.

Things today...

Today is a very average day so far! But that's not necessarily bad.
The last few days I have been working on being relaxed and enjoying my time at home.
-I got a massage last week!
-I got a new pillow which is amazing... to think I wasn't sure spending $8 on it was going to be worth it :)
-I had two fun Mother's Day parties. And I think the moms even liked their gifts.
-I went to Charlie's softball game on Monday and it was down pouring so I just slept and read in the car. And then we went out to dinner!
-I watched hours and hours of Sex and the City over the weekend.

I am looking forward to the Secondhand Hounds Silent Auction this Saturday! And I am very happy that Jennie decided to be my date! I can't wait to see all of my donations in their baskets, I hope people like them!

Soon we will need to decide if we want to take one another foster dog. That would be our 5th. I just look at my dirty, dirty carpet and it makes it harder to decide :)

If I am going to take the time to complain about all of the bad things I also need to make time to remember the good things!

Complaining today...

Is it possible that my case of the Mondays has become a case of the Tuesdays?

Things have calmed down a little but I think the last three days has been full of mostly bad news. I am going to list them in hopes of being done with it all!

• Came home and my carpet is full of mud. If you are going to try to help, do it in a way that doesn't cost me time and money.


• Someone made a bitch comment about me at dinner- rad


• Charlie is no longer going to the Secondhand Hounds Silent Auction with me... solo


• Memorial Weekend plans are no more, will likely have to spend the holiday alone since everyone I know is going to be out of town.


• The dogs are overwhelming me. Saturday they freaked out at the Walk for Animals and Titan ran over a pre-teen who was sitting on the sidewalk. The whole deal was totally humiliating and disheartening. I wish that I could make my dogs behave perfectly but some days they have minds of their own!


• Bills are getting out of control lately. This year has been very expensive and lots of this stuff is coming due in the next month- two lasik loans, Charlie's wisdom teeth bill, endless Costco bill.


• Too many parties- fun but it's getting expensive


• I could also kick myself for not getting full rent for the month of May... idiot me.


• A puppy that was adopted from SHH was stolen out of his home the other day!! Who would do that??


• Charlie's new work schedule changed and therefore my plans have changed.


• Titan ripped apart my Calvin Klein duvet cover that I LOVED from inside his kennel.


• Interesting work news, not really that positive

Overall I would just like a little sunshine to come into my week! Is that so much to ask? I am not letting this all totally overwhelm me, but it brings me down when everything feels like its turned upside down.

One bit of good news, there may be someone interested in adopting Titan. He is a great dog, I just need to work on the introduction. He can't be away from Millie and Millie is out of control... hmm time to get creative!

Hair!

I spend so much time and money on my hair... ahhh! It's crazy.
Well I think I have decided that I am going to try to grow out my hair for another month before coloring it. Even though I am due for it now!
I am going to have some serious Madonna roots and people will have to deal with it.
The worst is going to work or client appointments though, I really want to just say, "Hi, I'm Afton and yes I know my hair looks like crap."

I hate when you get your hopes up...

It’s been happening lately. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. I think in my case it is a sign that I am trying to be positive, looking on the bright side. And that is something I need to keep improving at.
But today I was disappointed. I thought that I would get a call or email with some good news. It hasn’t come so far. I put all of my eggs in one basket, set all of my hopes on one thing. And when it doesn’t come I can’t help but feel crushed. Then I am unsure of what my good qualities are and if they are seen by the rest of the world at all.

Things I want to change in my life:
Meaningful work
Be more positive
Don’t let the negative things in my life consume so much of my thoughts