Hopeless. It is a point that I hate to get to but it happens. When you keep hoping and wishing for things to go your way and then you realize that the situation or the person is not going to change.
(I can’t be more specific because I have been told that some sort of Big Brother figure can somehow read all of my emails, websites, and facebook… awesome. This is literally the paranoia that had been created. I guess I need to get a paper journal and I can call it good!)
Today I feel hopeless and like I can’t create the change that I thought I could. I want to change certain things and relationships in my life. I can’t seem to find the right words or actions to do that. I need more patience to just keep dealing with the things I can’t change.
I felt like when I was in school anything was possible- change was constantly happening and I was helping to shape my future and the world. Today I feel like I am just being pulled downstream, like I can’t get out of this flow, and I have lost control.
I hate being such a downer but right now I am overwhelmed and frustrated. And I am honestly not even sure what to be hoping for or working towards at this point.
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